You've Got to be a Friend to Have a Friend

Every year, I dust off this “first day of first grade” photo taken in front of then-Crayton Elementary School. It makes me thankful for these girls and the many other friends who have walked with me, loved me and showed up for me along the way. 

First day of first grade. Crayton Elementary 

These five little girls became friends as very young children primarily because of proximity living in the same neighborhood. (Front row: Libby Heath, Nora McArthur Fowles. Back row: Katherine DuBose Duvall, Nancy Marchant Harris, Reba Hull Campbell). Our mothers were friends, too, because of proximity, church and family connections. I’ll always be grateful to our moms for the playgroups, carpools, spend-the-night adventures, the “six for $24 dress specials” from White’s at Richland Mall, birthday parties, watchful eyes and family trips that we all probably took for granted.

By the time these five little girls reached this first day of first grade milestone, we’d known each other the better part of our short 6-year-old lives. Then, I moved to Virginia for the second grade and returned the next year. The five of us split between three schools in the fifth grade. One skipped sixth grade, graduated high school early and then went on to Clemson. The remaining four of us walked across the high school graduation stage together at Hammond. Two went to UNC and two went to USC. Over the years, all of us made lots of other friends who also became part of our individual and collective circles and stories.

One of my mother’s favorite sayings is “you have to be a friend to have a friend.” From these girls – and their mothers – we learned early on how to be a friend. We learned how to share and trust. We learned how to be a friend to each others’ friends. We learned how to navigate the presence (and sometimes annoyances) of older and younger siblings.

Because of these girls (and their moms), I eventually got over my fear of spending the night out. During summers, we traded handwritten letters from family trips and camp (and yes, I still have lots of those letters). We’ve married each other off and cheered on each other's kids, many of whom have married and now have their own kids. We've moved around the world and stayed put in Columbia.

I don’t take for granted how lucky we are to have known each other for 60+ years. Even more though, I know how fortunate we are to have grown lots of other rich and wide circles of overlapping and interconnected friendships because of these very early years together.

In today’s world, we’re not in each other's lives daily. I can’t even remember the last time all five of us were in the same place at the same time (probably the 2003 photo re-enactment below). But I do know we share the gift of these early friendships that taught us so well. Today, I count my blessings of many friendships and overlapping friend circles who are daily gifts and delights in my life.

2003 - the day before the Crayton building was bulldozed

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Photo credits: 

First grade pic: Nora Fowles’ mom, Mary McArthur 

Re-enactment pic: Rachel Chapman, who moved into the neighborhood in the fourth grade and quickly became the sixth of our crew.

Also thanks to Susan Childs, who was principal at Crayton Middle School when the original building was demolished and helped us organize the “after” photo in 2003.