Taking a breath of gratitude

Panic, fear and worry were only a few of the emotions I felt on a Tuesday afternoon in mid-September when my mother had a second stroke. For the past two years, she has been oh-so-well-cared-for in the skilled nursing area of Still Hopes Retirement Community following a previous stroke and the death of my dad. When I walked into her room that Tuesday afternoon for a quick visit, I knew immediately something was wrong. The team sprung into action to quickly get the medical attention she needed.

Over the subsequent month, I’ve tried to keep a running list of all my lessons learned and kindnesses received during this scary experience. Hopefully, these may help others who find themselves managing this type of emergency.

Appreciate that the medical professionals are people first - caring, dedicated people. To a person, the medical professionals we encountered from the ambulance to the ER and the ICU to the regular hospital room at Lexington Medical Center were committed, kind, smart, helpful and wanted to do the right thing. 

Driving in the wake
of the ambulance

For example, the ambulance driver kindly suggested Mom would be fine with them and encouraged me to follow them to the hospital so that retrieving my car would be one less thing to worry about once we got her settled (I did laugh several times on the drive as my little car scooted in the wake of the ambulance blowing through red lights and hopping medians). The Lexington Medical Center ER staff immediately got her to a stroke room and quickly into a procedure to remove a clot. In less than three hours from when we initially called the ambulance, she was in an ICU bed. The medical professionals were amazing!

But I was quickly reminded throughout this experience that there’s frequently a disconnect between the compassionate people who serve their patients on the front lines and the unspeakable red tape around patient care in today’s medical economy. The caring people who are in this profession to do good are stymied so often by staffing issues, bureaucracy and layers of regulation. Be kind to them.

Breathe, move and eat right. None of these are easy when you’re in the midst of any type of crisis in a hospital. Walk the halls. Climb the internal building steps. Walk the perimeter of the property. Do a few yoga stretches. Breathe to calm your anxiety (thanks to Mary Ellen Haile for that one). Get outside for a few minutes to eat. Just move. 

Fortunately David and I been on a plan to re-set our eating habits at home when this emergency happened. We had some pre-prepped meals already in the fridge which I packed up each day to take to the hospital. I’ve never been a cooler-packing lunch-taker, but this practice and the healthy food it provided was a lifesaver and kept me out of the hospital cafeteria and away from the vending machine. Shout out to David for keeping us on track with our meals!

Respect the daily flow of business in a medical facility. Shift change is a busy administrative timeframe. I’ve learned to pay attention to the flow of shift changes and avoid interrupting the meetings where staff is tagging off the patient data from one shift to the next. Figuring out the division of labor among staff also helped us understand who can answer certain questions and help with various tasks.

Say thank-you. Everyone appreciates being appreciated. Saying thank-you for a small kindness rendered goes a long way. Even when these wonderful medical professionals say, “I’m just doing my job,” it’s really more than that to those of us on the receiving end of their work. I always tell the Still Hopes caregivers they must leave their angel wings in the closet when they arrive at work because they are surely angels on earth.

Be prepared. In the midst of the confusion to get Mom into the ambulance, I somehow remembered to grab her ID and insurance cards because we keep them in a small packet in a specific place in her dresser. Everything also resides in a Google Drive folder along with the power-of-attorney paperwork, living will and list of medications. We had learned the value of cloud document storage while managing our parents’ medical emergencies several years ago. Having these documents at my fingertips at all times was invaluable.

Advocate and ask questions. You know your situation best. Do you research, ask questions. Sometimes the best path may be “trust but verify” if you feel the hospital professionals may have been too quick to make assumptions (happened daily) or if they may have overlooked something you believe is important (happened daily) when they aren’t the patient’s daily caregivers. If something doesn’t feel right, it might not be. If you’re not clear on a medical recommendation, ask for clarification. Just because a doctor has many years of education and experience doesn’t always mean they are always good at communicating in layman’s terms.

Take good notes. In the midst of a crisis, nothing is clear. Even in the best of situations, I’ve learned to write down notes or I’m doomed to a den of confusion down the line. I’m always writing down questions I have and furiously scribbling the feedback from doctors. Today, technology makes notetaking a whole lot easier. My family uses a long email thread to share notes on the various things we are each tracking related to our mother’s care. I personally use the OneNote app that resides on my phone, laptop and iPad to keep my various lists and questions organized.

Keeping these notes and questions in one place has allowed us to track trends and progress we may not have noticed otherwise. It’s kept us organized on medical follow-up, thank-you notes and errands.

Accept help. Ask for help and be willing to accept that help. I have a very hard time asking for and accepting help. Friends, family, neighbors church people, and co-workers all want to help. Some instinctively know what you need, and others are happy to do whatever you ask. Prayers work. Accept them with grace and gratitude.

Practice gratitude. Admittedly this is hard in the midst of an emergency. But taking a few minutes each day to absorb the many kindnesses, check-in calls and texts, food, treats, distractions and positive vibes people sent our way over the past month gives me great peace. From a friend showing up with breakfast delivery from my favorite spot, text check-ins and homemade soup to pumpkin pie, hospital deliveries of clothes and essentials, and encouragement to take a little time for ourselves I am so grateful for the many kindnesses people have sent our way. It also reminds me of how much a small gesture can mean to a friend in the midst of an emergency.

And the rest of the story . . . 

After three days in ICU and a week in a regular hospital room, Mom was able to return to her Still Hopes room – and her loving caregivers (which is a whole other story of gratitude for that daily team of angels.) Within hours of arriving back at Still Hopes, we could see a difference. She was loved on, set up with a new recliner chair, and dressed in her favorite shirt. Today, she’s working daily with her physical therapists, and we say she’s nothing short of a miracle after a pretty scary prognosis that first night in the ER.